I had a really lovely evening with my friend Charlotte recently. As part of my New Year’s Resolution to stop being such a hermit, I’m forcing myself to leave the house on a regular basis and spend time with people I’m not in a relationship with (i.e. everyone in the world except Sean).
Don’t feel sorry for Sean. I live with him. He gets enough of me.
So I made my merry way over to Charlotte’s abode where she cooked me the most amazing curry-stuffed dosas, and we proceeded to catch up on various things including our respective relationships.
Without wanting to make a sweeping generalisation, I think it would be fair to assume that most hetero/bisexual women at some time or other have had the “what the hell is wrong with men” conversation. I don’t mean man-bashing, but a genuine curiosity about how men and women can function so differently sometimes.
On the one hand, we women tend to see ourselves as considerate, selfless and forever giving, while the men in our lives take, take and misunderstand what we want from them. Sound familiar? We drop hints, they don’t pick up on them. We disagree about something, and there’s no budging them. We say we want to somewhere, and they go there with their friends. Without us.
Maybe that last one only applies to me. I’m not sure. This isn’t about my relationship specifically, just the general Men from Mars, Women from Venus spiel. We like to make comparisons.
And make comparisons we did. Having had relationships with women in the past, I offered my views from the other side of the fence. While being with another woman means your partner might be more considerate, thinks a little harder about the effect her actions can have on you, and generally makes more romantic gestures than her male counterpart, you can also end up with a whole new barrel of problems. Like jealousy, which was a big issue for me in my last same-sex relationship.
No matter which side the coin lands on, there are blemishes.
Back to men. We found ourselves pondering the question, not so much how men can be so different, but how they’re all pretty much the same. Are we wired differently? How do we always end up with the same experience?
And then we came to our conclusion. It’s too easy to dismiss a man and say “he just doesn’t get it”. He could be a professor of physics or a burger flipper in McDonalds and they will still have this trait in common. It’s not about brain power, it’s not about intelligence, it’s not about breeding. Men generally have this quality in common – the so-called “what did I do wrong?” quality – and as a result they not only piss us off, but they always get away with it.
Because we do let them off, eventually. We do just shrug and say, ‘well, it’s just the way he is. I can’t change him!’
And that’s how they get you. They’re not silly. They know exactly what they’re doing. They’re secretly evil geniuses.
Don’t fall for the #ManScam.